Between worlds — the search for belonging
Have you ever felt like a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit? Maybe you've stood in a crowded room, surrounded by people, yet somehow felt completely alone Belonging is an essential human need, one that defines how we see ourselves and connect with others. Yet, as we go through different phases of life, it can often be hard to feel like we belong.
“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” - Maya Angelou
Often we feel that the right friend group, job, or relationship will end this feeling of being out of place. But for many, no matter where they are, that feeling lingers. And this feeling of being on the outskirts is more common than we think.
Our personalities and life experiences are unique to us and shape us in distinctive ways.
- Going through a major life change — like a big move, loss, or career shift — makes us feel like we’re on a different wavelength, and others cannot understand what we have been through.
- When our values or goals are different from those around us, it’s easy to feel “out of sync” and disconnected. Frequently, our feelings of disconnection reflect how well we know ourselves. Taking time to understand what you value in relationships can help you find those who truly appreciate and understand you.
- Sometimes, the discomfort is environmental. You might not be comfortable in large gatherings or energetic spaces, but this doesn’t mean you’re incompatible with connection. Instead, it suggests you thrive better in more intimate, quiet settings where you can share deeper conversations. By exploring social spaces that fit your preferences, you’re more likely to feel at home.
- True belonging involves openness. Typically, our sense of disconnect stems from keeping up our guard, not allowing others to see our authentic selves. Building belonging doesn’t require changing who we are, but rather offering small glimpses of our inner world.
- As we grow, our identities and personalities evolve, our interests and priorities change, as do our relationships. What once felt comfortable might now seem misaligned. If you’re feeling like an outsider, it might simply mean that you’re in the process of finding people who better align with the person you’re becoming.
Belonging isn’t about “fitting-in”, blending in or meeting expectations of others. It isn’t something we simply find; it’s something we can create. It is about honoring who we are and finding those that appreciate our uniqueness. Sometimes, belonging starts with small adjustments in our approach and an openness to new experiences.
- Join groups or activities where you can meet people with similar interests and connect with others who share your passions.
- Showing genuine interest in others by listening actively and asking open-ended questions. This builds trust and creates meaningful conversations.
- Be Patient. Building authentic connections takes time. Take small steps, be yourself, and allow relationships to develop naturally.
- Expressing vulnerability and sharing personal experiences or challenges when appropriate can help create deeper bonds and mutual understanding.
- Recognize that feeling connected doesn’t mean everyone must be the same. Appreciate others’ unique traits, and celebrate what makes both you and others unique.
- Consistency is key in forming lasting relationships. Schedule regular meet-ups or calls with friends, acquaintances, and family to strengthen your bonds.
True, lasting sense of belonging doesn’t come from the outside — it starts when we allow ourselves to be fully seen and accepted as we are. Only then do we attract relationships that resonate with our true selves.
“Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance.” — Brené Brown
